Hello, midlife crisis!

It's cliché but...

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I've officially decided that, yes, I am in the midst of a midlife crisis (and I started this post, somehow published it without finishing it, so maybe that's enough said, enough proof, do I really need to add other thoughts and/or examples?).

But, I think that this is where I am "at" in my life.  Mid-40s, lots of transitions right now, a healthy dose of uncertainty, and, yes, I'll take that crisis.

To be honest, I probably felt this coming on last year, but triathlon proved to be a fantastic diversion for most of the year, and then the fall is always a busy time with the return to school.  So, right about now - the February doldrums - the stars should align for that crisis moment.

Much of this is provoked by major changes that we are planning - good changes but stressful.  I've alluded to this before, so I should put it out there, although I kind of hate to make a life announcement in the same breath that I'm talking about a crisis.  Oh well, not much to do about that.   Yes, the major change - we finally decided to bite the bullet and move to Colorado this summer!  

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Not a bad place to be...  But, at the moment, I don't have a job yet and am kind of/really freaking out, even though it IS still premature.  However, with so many people in my life asking me about said job, it doesn't exactly calm me down.  And there are plenty of other "known unknowns" along with those "unknown unknowns" a la Rumsfeld.  

Before I focus too much on the anxiety that this change is provoking (or is a part of?), I have to say that the move to Colorado is NOT a midlife crisis decision.  It's actually something that we've wanted to do...  probably ever since we married.  Year after year, we return to Colorado at least twice to visit friends and family and to enjoy skiing, biking, hiking, you name it.  We definitely love the opportunities to pursue an active lifestyle there, but that isn't the only motivating factor - after all, we live in CA and there are plenty of opportunities here too!  Being closer to family and friends (we have several friends who have migrated to the Boulder/Denver area over the past few years) is a major factor, and, we feel that long-term, this is where we want to be.  Rather than continuing to delay the plan ("Maybe next year, maybe in five years..."), we decided that we needed to just do it, as Nike recommends.  

All of these changes are unfolding, and I am trying, without much success, to wrap my mind around the complex equation of finishing out my school year in an active and engaged manner, looking for a job (without taking rejection too hard), training for triathlon, and, the big one, picking up and moving - leaving friends, relationships, patterns that have all developed over 10 years.  It's a bit much to handle at times, but I'm trying!  

And to return to the midlife crisis moment - I can't totally separate it from all of the other changes happening in our lives.  It does provoke me, in a good way, to think about what's next and to think about what I want to do, how do I want to live.  These are questions that sprawl, once you pose them to yourself, and once they take up residency, they REALLY take up real estate in your brain.  Or they have for me.  Most days, I enjoy teaching, and on a good day, I *love* teaching, and Ican definitely see myself in the classroom until I retire, whenever that is.  On the other hand, I also think that I would be okay with stepping away from the classroom, or taking some sort of a break and doing something different.  But what that "different" is, I'm not sure.  Not knowing is kind of scary, and leaving a job that has been so rewarding in many ways while also secure does unsettle me quite a bit.  I think that it's a good moment in my life to be unsettled, but it's not easy.  I'm sure that there are about two dozen, if not more, quotes about things that aren't easy being well worth the challenge.  And I agree with that in theory, but living that experience is different.  

However, as much as I'm a bit afraid of the unknown, I'd also like to embrace it.  I used to pick up my life on a more regular basis, but I haven't in a while.  So, maybe I need to get used to the unknown again.  And, maybe I need to do the same for this little crisis -  embrace it, ride through the storm and see where I end up on the other side.

Weekend with the padres - wining, dining and hiking, oh my!

In January, my parents decided to make one last visit to see us in the LA area (more on that 'last visit' soon!), and the only weekend that really worked out was President's Day, so we all quickly made arrangements for their visit this past weekend.  It was a bit of a whirlwind of a trip for them since they arrived Friday afternoon (4:30 - just in time for traffic!) and left early this morning.  We packed in quite a few activities and tried to ensure that they enjoyed this visit as much as possible.  

On Saturday, we drove up to Santa Barbara wine country.  It's a bit of a haul for a one-day visit, but we had a willing driver and a beautiful day to explore the countryside, so we took advantage of those factors.  We started out in the quaint little town of Los Olivos.  The first time we went wine tasting in the Santa Barbara area with my parents was probably 7 years ago, and at that time, it seemed that if you blinked, you'd miss Los Olivos.  That isn't the case anymore, and especially not on Valentine's day (we had sort of forgotten about that detail, but, apparently, wine tasting is a very popular activity on said "holiday").  Fortunately, we were early enough that when we stopped at our first tasting room, Byron, it was still low-key.  That was a fabulous first stop, and, since it wasn't too crowded, we were really able to take our time and enjoy the wine - which was excellent!  Byron specializes in Pinots, like a lot of Santa Barbara wineries, and they were all fantastic.  

Starting out our day

Making decisions - what to drink now?

Perhaps the best thing about Byron, after the wine, was the recommendation to eat lunch in Buellton at Industrial Eats.  It's super casual but the food is fantastic - and we definitely needed something to eat after the visit to Byron.  It's also conveniently located, right next to Alma Rosa, our next stop.  We had visited Alma Rosa with my parents a few years ago when it was in an old farmhouse, which I still prefer, and Michael and I (and Gus - it's a dog-friendly tasting room!) visited Alma Rosa back in October.  So, it's a bit of an old favorite for us, I suppose, and their wine is awfully good!

Some full belly happiness

After all of the eating and drinking and driving on Saturday, we opted for a more active day on Sunday - and set out for Mt. Lowe in the Angeles National Forest.  In the end, we did not summit Mt. Lowe but we did hike San Gabriel Peak!

Looking east

The start of the trail was through a wooded area which was nice and shaded, with lots of manzanita all around!  And then we hit a fire road which led us to this area that was once part of the Nike Ajax Missile Defense Plan (according to modernhiker.com).  Kind of crazy?!  Hikes in the western part of the Angeles are always so interesting - you feel like you are 'away from it all', and then you are suddenly reminded of the fact that Los Angeles is really right there.  

Fromt his platform, we then headed up to San Gabriel peak.  The final push wasn't technical, but it was steep.  

Ah, success!

We finished off the weekend at Angelini Osteria, another favorite from a previous visit, and we shared some excellent Italian food there.  It's always hard to choose because there are so many option, but I opted for a pasta with black truffles - and then they shaved more truffles on top.  It was kind of ridiculous!

Truffles!

Buonasera!

It was a fun-filled weekend with my parents, no doubt, and even though I'm an adult, they still spoil me.  I also feel lucky that we can still do things together, like go on a moderately strenuous hike, which is a wonderful way to spend time with them. 

The most expensive bike ride

Sadly, I'm not talking about a fun ride, like a cool century ride or some sponsored event.  No, my expensive ride on Sunday looked like this:

Oh, Baños, Ecuador, what a fun visit we had; Michael snapped this photo of the guardia lecturing this little girl for riding her bike through the plaza rather than around it.  How would I know, 8 years later that I'd totally feel her pain?

Anyway, substitute me in my Smashfest Fly kit and the Bat for the girl and a Sheriff for the guardia and then you would have a more accurate picture.   Yep, I got ticketed on Sunday for not stopping at a stop sign.  I was totally guilty - I didn't stop, and I know that this makes me an irresponsible cyclist.  I could defend myself and say that it's not an intersection where cyclists need to stop unless they are turning left (which is true, but anyway).  What really frustrates me about the ticket is that I knew that the sheriff was there - I passed by him on one street and took note, but then when I cruised down the hill, I just totally forgot that he was there.  I didn't even think about it until I heard him signal me.  And then I was so pissed, I really wanted to tell him to go fuck off, which is irrational because, as I said, I ran through the stop sign, no doubt about it.

Meanwhile, as he gave me my ticket, all of these other bikers totally cruised by us - and I would bet that half of them ran that stop sign too!  They should have at least thanked me!

Anyway, it's not the end of the world, no one was hurt, and, fortunately, the ticket doesn't go on my car insurance.  But, still, it was a total killjoy moment and somewhat humiliating too!