Wednesday, March 14, 2012


I could also call this the "March bit me in the ass" post.  I feel a bit like this:
Deflated.   Source.

I know, lousy clip art, but I am definitely feel frustrated about my life right now.  A flat tire on a ride, actually, would preferable to the stuff that is driving me crazy, mainly because then it could be FIXED, whereas the stuff-driving-me-crazy right now is, for the most part, well beyond my control.  The good news is that I should have a break from a lot of the stressors in just over a week.  However, I still have to survive the next 8 days until next Friday, 2:31 pm.
Breaking down the "what is going on" is actually quite simple.  First of all, it is March, a month that traditionally throws plenty of curve balls at teachers in terms of students starting to miss class for one reason or another (a field trip! a college visit! leaving for a trip! sports!).  Add to that, Issue Number One:  I am having to work with two less-than-organized people on a project, over which I am not in charge, and they are driving me crazy.  Now, I do not consider myself a model of organization.  Any look at my office or school bag would be an immediate give-away of that, but when I have to work with other people, I do try to consider their time and energy and stick to meeting times and let people know well in advance when meetings are.  You know, try to have my proverbial shit together.   
So, that is Issue Number One which happens to cause Issue Number Two:  INSOMNIA.  Now, if anyone took the time to look at my profile, that person would notice that I mention napping as a hobby/interest. Sleep, to me, is vital in order for me to function.  Therefore, I do not enjoy sleepless nights filled with anxiety and frustration.  In fact, I hate them. They do indicate, however, my level of stress.  Thank goodness I don't have a job that produces REAL stress.  It's just crap in my head which prevents me from sleeping and drives me crazy.
Finally, Issue Number Three is the fact that, because of a lack of sleep, I ended up ditching a run and a ride last week because I felt so off.  That is frustrating, but I discovered that what is even worse than skipping a workout is completing a workout with the hope that it will serve as a good, healthy stress-release, only to find that after an hour on a bike, not only did I not manage to unwind on the ride but quite the reverse happened.  I spent the entire time on the bike ruminating over every single shitty thing that happened in the past week.  Maybe I needed more time in the saddle to just leave all my emotional garbage out there, but I'm not sure if I would have been able to do a true and thorough emotional purge.  
I do know that tomorrow is another day, and if I sleep tonight (not likely without Tylenol PM), then I should at least wake up with some expectations that it will be a good day.  Or, if nothing else, not a terrible day!
And, as I move through the days, each one does bring me closer to spring break for which I have great expectations!


Chez Julie said...

Oh I could really relate to this, Kristina! Both the "working on a project with disorganized people" thing and the insomnia. I'm also prone to ruminating about work when I'm dancing, so I know how that goes too.

I can recommend something, though. I use this guided imagery MP3 to help me go to sleep and it does help.

I also use melatonin, which doesn't leave one as groggy as Tylenol PM. But call in the big guns if you need them!

Kristina said...

Good to know that melatonin might help. And I might try to the imagery. I do know that it's short-term and that I should recover relatively soon from these bouts. I would like to stop ruminating in general, but that's more of a longer process.