Leaving California: The Long Good-bye

Fitting that there is a Raymond Chandler book and a Robert Altman movie (based on the book), called The Long Good-bye.  Emotional ups and downs along with cramming in packing, finishing school, training, tying up all sorts of loose ends at school - both personally and professionally -  along with seeing different groups of friends for a good-bye reunion marked the month of May and the beginning of June.  We are excited to move to Colorado, but we do so with sadness at leaving a place that has been our home for a substantial amount of time.  When I think of my Southern CA chapter, in particular, I can't ignore the major milestones that I experienced while living here: transitioned to married life, adopted 2 dogs, lost a dog, bought and sold a house.  I made and lost friends, grew as a teacher and took on new and different challenges at work and extracurricularly.  We definitely have built a life here, a very full and good one, so leaving is hard.

Since it's impossible to sum up 10 years in the LA area, plus another 3 years in the Central Coast area for me, I won't even try.  I never expected to live in California - it wasn't one of the places where I dreamed of living, I just sort of ended up here.  I'm not sure that I ever felt like a true "Californian" (not being blond and not surfing), but even as transplants, we both grew roots to the area which are painful to pull up as we move away.  We've had an amazing life here, have appreciated the great variety of people, places, and options, and I'll never forget the friendships we made and the experiences that we had.

So, for now, here is a quick good-bye:

The last morning on our front porch - enjoying a moment before starting the long drive to Boulder!  And, by the way, my feet really aren't huge, but they look crazy big in this photo!

There is more to say, and I suppose the title of the post is a bit misleading since, well, this is quite brief. I'm still taking in the fact that we are moving/have moved.  So, this move, while certainly not a surprise to us and something that we've wanted for years, IS bittersweet as I think about what we're leaving behind.  It's exciting but scary as I think about the unknown and the openness of what's to come.

And we're off! I drove the important cargo - bikes + dog! Essential items for a new life.

It's April! And racing season! And other odds and ends...

Happy tax day (tomorrow - and how is 'happy' a part of it, even if you do get a tax return?!).

Starting soon, I think that I need to have some sort of a 'regular' blog session, just so that I can post about my oh-so-exciting life.  I realize that many people in the digital age have moved on to Instagram and/or Twitter, but I'm not there yet.  In my defense, I still remember when I didn't even use email 20 years ago.

But, to at least give a monthly update...  Last year, I remember that February was such a challenging month, and this year, March certainly filled February's shoes, and more.  Now that April is upon us, and we have some certainty/clarity about life as we move forward, I feel lighter and much less stressed.  As I look back at March, I can't believe how much we weathered - figuring out job stuff for the short-term, dealing with a slight physical malaise (my back), and coming to terms with a death in the family.  It always amazes me, when I'm in the midst of a stressful situation, I tend to put blinders on and just push through, but once I have some distance, I can see how hard it was.  So, yes, March was a difficult month.

April, training-wise, has felt more focused, and I am looking forward to my first 2015 race this weekend!  TriEvents #2 is a local event in which I've participated without great success and, recently, I've come to know the race better as a volunteer.  This Sunday, however, I'll be donning my wetsuit for the first time since last summer and will force myself to remember how to transition.  I don't have high expectations - this race falls two weeks before St. George 70.3, which IS a 'big deal'.  Instead of racing, a part of me would rather have a big training weekend as a last-ditch effort to boost my strength/speed/endurance, but maybe this will boost my race confidence?  After all, I'm not sure how much "hay in the barn" I'd actually harvest at this point.  I do find it ironic that the more I train, the less I seem to race these days...

I don't have high hopes for TriEvents, but I'd love to put down a solid performance for me, swimming, biking (ha!) and running.  This is a tougher course than people give it credit, especially the bike, but I'd love to push HARD on the bike and see what that leaves me for the run.  I'm still not fast on the bike, even with the Bat, but I've felt so good transitioning bike-to-run, that I'm interested in seeing what my run will be.

And, despite my typical lackluster bike performance, I've had some good rides recently.  Well, some that left me scratching my head, like when I flatted BOTH tires at once.  It was the very end of a hilly ride and I just wasn't paying attention.  Fortunately, I was about 2 houses down from our house, so I just walked the bike home.  On the positive side, this past weekend, I rode what I remember from last year as a killer ride - GMR (Glendora Mountain Road loop), and while it was difficult, I enjoyed the ride SO MUCH!  I've been nervous about the St. George bike course, especially on the tri bike, but this gave me a sense that "Sí se puede".

(If I were a better blogger, I would actually have some photos, but I don't.  It was a gorgeous day to be out biking though and it's a great road to ride!)

Now, to end on a 'down' note.  While my back woes are definitely on the mend, to my immense relief, I feel that injury is something of a hydra for me.  Once I deal with a specific issue, another one (or two) raises its head.  I'm currently dealing with a bit of plantar fasciitis in my left foot/calf.  Ah, my old foe from 2012/13!  What is even more frustrating is that in other ways I feel that my running game is pretty strong right now, so I'd love to ignore this little niggle, but I know that I can't/shouldn't.  Last week, I pushed hard on the bike and then transitioned to a really fast run (this was probably the workout that tipped the scale to a full-blown flare-up of PF).  I'd love to see what I can do this weekend on the run, but I also don't want to sabotage St. George or, especially, Boulder.

There are a lot of 'lasts' that we are facing over the next two months.  Moving still feels a bit abstract, but I also know that this is the last local CA race that I'll do.  So, I want to have fun, enjoy the camaraderie on the course, and appreciate the overall experience.  It's also great to have a season 'launch' - to feel that I've built a solid base, worked towards this moment, and now I can take it in and see how I do.  Hopefully I'll have a bit of luck working in my favor too!

Spring Break 2015 - A move/train-cation!

I'm not complaining about my spring break, but I think that I need a vacation now that it's over!  Productive?  Check!  Fun?  Check!  Relaxing?  NO!

But, we made major progress on the imminent move to Boulder - by taking a truckload of stuff to Boulder at the beginning of the week and then flying back home.  

 Just getting started!

Taking a break - somewhere in the Mojave

Unloading!

The drive to Boulder was fairly uneventful - we didn't have weather issues, which was fortunate in the lovely U-Haul.  And, we spent the night in Winslow, AZ, which I wouldn't recommend to anyone, despite the Eagles' song that made it famous (or somewhat famous?). 

Boulder was a lot of unpacking and thinking about our next steps, but I mixed in some training while I was there, on the bike and running.  It was a bit of a challenge to motivate a few days thanks to the weather:

We arrived on Monday (a beautiful day, but after 12 hours or so in the car, I was more than ready for a stiff drink), and then Tuesday, I set out for a windy bike ride.  During said ride, I think my HR was at about 90% for 90% of the ride - I was white-knuckling it, just hoping that I didn't get blown over OR blown into traffic.  Wednesday, I was supposed to fit in a brick, but as you can see, it was going to be 46 degrees as a high, plus rain.  So, I set out for an early morning run, during which it rained, snowed and hailed on me.  Good times!  Finally, I squeezed in the brick Thursday before we flew back to CA.  Also, please note the weather on Friday and then Saturday!  It was strange to leave my Trek road bike, Sunshine, in Boulder - it's now just me and the Bat!

For the end of the break, I drove down to Oceanside, CA on Saturday to spectate Oceanside 70.3.  It's always tempting to sign up for this race, but when it rolls around, I'm usually SO relieved that I didn't.  But...  Maybe one day?!  It was a gorgeous day to be out spectating - a little bit warm, but not too crazy.  I missed the men's finish but saw Heather Jackson cross the finish line.  Wow, she is so amazing!  She raced and won Wildflower last year, and I saw her exit the water but didn't see the finish (obviously - I was somewhere on the bike course).  It was also great to see and cheer for a lot of people that I know. 



Saturday afternoon, I spent working on my swim technique - Beth Gerdes, my coach (I always feel like a fraud when I use that term, but what else should I call her?), was very kind enough to offer a session in their endless pool.  I was SUPER nervous about swimming in front of people and it was kind of weird to be on a 'swim treadmill', but I did get some great feedback and I know what I need to work on.  Then, Sunday morning, Beth and another one of her athletes (who lives in Pasadena and with whom I should train!) and I set out on a ride.  I have major bike riding route envy now - it was SUCH a nice ride.  Lots of rolling hills, rather than crazy steep ascents and descents, and very biker friendly.  Also, it was a wonderful day to ride, a bit foggy early on but then it burned off.  Finally, I was super nervous about riding with other people, especially a pro(!), but this other woman and I were really well matched.  I obviously need to just get over my anxiety about how terrible I am on the bike and develop some confidence once and for all!  Anyway, it was so generous of Beth to spend time Saturday and Sunday with us.  Not only is she an amazing athlete (recently 5th at IM Asia-Pacific!) but a really great coach too.

Anyway, I was really excited about getting in 4 bike rides last week - some of them weren't very fun and none was very fast, but I do feel better about St. George and about heading into the next few weeks (although thank goodness this is a recovery week! and thank goodness I have Friday off!).  

Also, we have made progress on the move to Colorado (I keep saying Boulder, but, really, we could be anywhere).  We will be putting our house up for sale within the next few weeks which seems totally crazy to me.

Hello, midlife crisis!

It's cliché but...

(Source)

I've officially decided that, yes, I am in the midst of a midlife crisis (and I started this post, somehow published it without finishing it, so maybe that's enough said, enough proof, do I really need to add other thoughts and/or examples?).

But, I think that this is where I am "at" in my life.  Mid-40s, lots of transitions right now, a healthy dose of uncertainty, and, yes, I'll take that crisis.

To be honest, I probably felt this coming on last year, but triathlon proved to be a fantastic diversion for most of the year, and then the fall is always a busy time with the return to school.  So, right about now - the February doldrums - the stars should align for that crisis moment.

Much of this is provoked by major changes that we are planning - good changes but stressful.  I've alluded to this before, so I should put it out there, although I kind of hate to make a life announcement in the same breath that I'm talking about a crisis.  Oh well, not much to do about that.   Yes, the major change - we finally decided to bite the bullet and move to Colorado this summer!  

(Source)

Not a bad place to be...  But, at the moment, I don't have a job yet and am kind of/really freaking out, even though it IS still premature.  However, with so many people in my life asking me about said job, it doesn't exactly calm me down.  And there are plenty of other "known unknowns" along with those "unknown unknowns" a la Rumsfeld.  

Before I focus too much on the anxiety that this change is provoking (or is a part of?), I have to say that the move to Colorado is NOT a midlife crisis decision.  It's actually something that we've wanted to do...  probably ever since we married.  Year after year, we return to Colorado at least twice to visit friends and family and to enjoy skiing, biking, hiking, you name it.  We definitely love the opportunities to pursue an active lifestyle there, but that isn't the only motivating factor - after all, we live in CA and there are plenty of opportunities here too!  Being closer to family and friends (we have several friends who have migrated to the Boulder/Denver area over the past few years) is a major factor, and, we feel that long-term, this is where we want to be.  Rather than continuing to delay the plan ("Maybe next year, maybe in five years..."), we decided that we needed to just do it, as Nike recommends.  

All of these changes are unfolding, and I am trying, without much success, to wrap my mind around the complex equation of finishing out my school year in an active and engaged manner, looking for a job (without taking rejection too hard), training for triathlon, and, the big one, picking up and moving - leaving friends, relationships, patterns that have all developed over 10 years.  It's a bit much to handle at times, but I'm trying!  

And to return to the midlife crisis moment - I can't totally separate it from all of the other changes happening in our lives.  It does provoke me, in a good way, to think about what's next and to think about what I want to do, how do I want to live.  These are questions that sprawl, once you pose them to yourself, and once they take up residency, they REALLY take up real estate in your brain.  Or they have for me.  Most days, I enjoy teaching, and on a good day, I *love* teaching, and Ican definitely see myself in the classroom until I retire, whenever that is.  On the other hand, I also think that I would be okay with stepping away from the classroom, or taking some sort of a break and doing something different.  But what that "different" is, I'm not sure.  Not knowing is kind of scary, and leaving a job that has been so rewarding in many ways while also secure does unsettle me quite a bit.  I think that it's a good moment in my life to be unsettled, but it's not easy.  I'm sure that there are about two dozen, if not more, quotes about things that aren't easy being well worth the challenge.  And I agree with that in theory, but living that experience is different.  

However, as much as I'm a bit afraid of the unknown, I'd also like to embrace it.  I used to pick up my life on a more regular basis, but I haven't in a while.  So, maybe I need to get used to the unknown again.  And, maybe I need to do the same for this little crisis -  embrace it, ride through the storm and see where I end up on the other side.

Box by box, little by little - Progress!

After denouncing April's cruelty in my last post/bitch session, things have improved and my mood has lifted considerably (I will say that I'm not the only one who thinks that April kind of sucks, although T. S. Eliot said it much more eloquently than I).  That said, I find myself longing for summer when, at the very least, I don't have something as bothersome as work hanging over my head!

The big news - we have officially moved into the new old house - OUR house, which I still find crazy. I say 'old' because it dates from the 1920's, with some modern updates.  It has taken us more time than we expected to be out of the last place, mainly because we own far more shit than we thought that we did.  Most of it fits in the new place, but we plan to store some of the more random and superfluous items, like Christmas ornaments, in the garage.  We moved plenty of loose items and clothes on Saturday, and then the movers came Tuesday for all of the big items - furniture and boxes.  This was our final departure on Tuesday afternoon, leaving our old abode and heading to the new one with the pups:

They had sensed for a while that something was "up", but walking through the empty house freaked them out a bit, and they panted the entire four miles or so to the new place.  They seem to have adjusted, although they are still a bit tentative about which room they really want to hang out in.  Mostly they are sticking close to us (one is snoring happily away by my side as I type this all out).

As for the house - we are still settling in.  Michael made major inroads on Thursday and cleared a spot so that we can eat at the table, but I don't feel extraordinarily motivated to spend hours and hours emptying boxes.  The kitchen and bathroom and clothes are set, and ditto for the cable, so what more do we really need?  At the moment, we can navigate the labyrinth of boxes somewhat successfully, so I don't feel particularly anxious to sort through all of our boxes, many of which we will store away in the garage. We have discovered, much to our relief and happiness, that we really do like the house and the neighborhood.  We met one of our neighbors today when we took the boys for a walk, and I think that we'll soon know a handful of people, at least by sight, if not by name.  I was concerned about the small yappy dogs that live next to us - that we'd have a barking war between all of our pets, but Gus and Milo have demonstrated zero interest in barking at them.  With the exception of the occasional outbursts, it's a pretty quiet neighborhood, which we like, especially after living so close to one highway or another throughout most of our LA experience together.  It is nice to hear birds in the backyard instead of the buzz of traffic!

Thanks to laryngitis/sore throat/cough that has dragged on and on, I was much less help than I hoped to be in terms of the move.  This particular cold strand has been quite vicious, but I am finally getting better.  It has set my goals for Wildflower back somewhat, which was initially frustrating, but I've now accepted it and am looking forward to that May 5 race day no matter what!  This morning I had my first open water swim of the season, which makes Wildflower seem a bit more real.  Until the past week, I'd been feeling confident about my swimming fitness, but I took a step backwards with my cold and really struggled through this week's swims.  However, the swim this morning gave me a good idea of where I stand for Wildflower - maybe just a hair faster than last year?  It was exciting and scary to pull out the wetsuit (fortunately I remembered where I had stowed it, unlike my Garmin cord/charger which remains elusive!), and a mile is always shorter and longer than I think that it will be, if that makes sense. I didn't kill it in the water, not that I ever do, but I also felt pretty even throughout - both in terms of stroke and breathing.  Even better, I did NOT end up with 'swimmer's itch', despite all of the warnings about that being a possible result of the day's swim!

So, it seems that we're moving ahead - settling into the house and I'm finally back to training.  I'm sure that we'll continue to make adjustments, big and small, in the next few days and weeks.

The cruelest month so far

Oh, April, I had such high hopes for you!  I realize that it's early days yet, we're only on the 6th, but so far, it's kicked me right in the teeth.

Not that I planned for things to go this way - I was actually very optimistic about the month.  But I woke up on Monday with a slight tickle in my throat and by the evening, my voice had gone south.  Still, I could speak, sort of, until I got through a few classes and by Tuesday, my voice was worse, even though 2 of my classes just wrote an essay.  Wednesday, I managed to get through my classes and then went home and slept 1.5 hours in the afternoon.  Finally, I took Thursday off to give my voice a break, went back to school on Friday with something of a voice, which I lost by the end of the day.

It's been strange because I haven't felt TERRIBLY sick, but it's been up and down - feeling better, then worse (mainly just exhausted), then better again.  I took four full days off, doing absolutely nothing, had a total meltdown on Tuesday night when I dramatically stated "It's not even worth going to Wildflower this year at this point!"  Nice black-and-white thinking about a hobby.  Jeez!

In addition to my extracurricular activities and the timing being off for that, this really is the worst time of year for me to be sick and to miss classes.  I already will miss students for so many days this month because of random fieldtrips and days of school, so I can't afford to lose classroom time.  The other frustrating aspect about the sinus/laryngitis thing, I really can't talk to people - so, I didn't call a friend on her birthday and probably won't catch up with her for another week because things aren't looking great for a chatty weekend.  Also, I can't taste ANYTHING!  As someone who likes food and continues to cook, it is strange to make meals, eat them, but not really enjoy them.  I'm also off caffeine and alcohol and have been drinking tea, water and lots of juice.  Such a boring life!

In the midst of all of this, we have started to migrate!  We returned from Chicago to a newly painted place - amazing what a difference a good paint job makes.  I actually started to feel excited about the move, a feeling that had eluded me up to that point.  Also, our appliances arrived on Tuesday.  I can't believe that I'm saying this, but I can't wait to try out the stove/oven!  We're moving what we can today and then the movers will take everything else on Tuesday.  Again, this is adding to the craziness of the month, but it's pretty dam exciting too!

So, as rough as the week has been, I am still hopeful that April will round out and end on an up note.

February - Where did you go?

So, I'm totally torn about the fact that we are now in March and the days keep marching along (ha ha, I couldn't resist).  Right now, I'm feeling a bit like our dog Milo:

You know, grumpy, humiliated and out of sorts because he's wearing a costume!  (It's amazing what you find when you start cleaning and clearing out as you have to move all of your shit!)

Okay, I have no costumes on, but things are kind of starting to freak me out.  The move is really happening.  We emptied our bank accounts.  We bought a house.  We are adults.  We have a lot of stuff to do.

But before I freak out about all of the changes that are taking place and will take place, I'd like to reflect for a moment on the month of February which was a pretty dam good month! School-wise, it felt like a long month, despite being short.  But, like most good things, I didn't know how great it was until it had passed me by.  I will say that the first weekend of March was pretty awesome too, but back to February - we went out a ton, saw good friends, had a long weekend, ate and drank well, and enjoyed some terrific weather.  What more do I need to say?

As for my priorities (more on the priorities thing in another post), I managed to focus more on training than I expected without feeling that I was "focused".  At the end of January, I reacquainted myself with my bike and remembered how much fun it is to spend time in the saddle!  As I've already written, my running has come back in a way that makes me very happy, although I'm still a bit worried about the occasional plantar fasciitis flare-up and take steps to mitigate that possibility.  Finally, swimming - well, I started to swim with a work colleague and she kicks my ass and makes me go faster and harder.  It's a humiliating experience, but I do think that I push myself way more because of her.  Also, she's a former D1 swimmer and still coaches, so she has great ideas for different sets.  Today, for example, we met at 5:30 am (ugh) and she had us do lots of 75s and then a 300 set that focused on breathing and then 25s that also focused on breathing (taking 3 breaths, then 2 breaths, then 1 breath then 0 breath - a different kind of challenge!).

The funny thing about my 'training' at this point - first of all, I don't think it's all that focused, in part because I've been afraid that I'd feel totally burned out by the summer, exactly the time when I need to kick it up, if I had a MAJOR PLAN.  So, no set plan but plenty of swim, bike, run.  More importantly,  I've really enjoyed the training I've done, and, when I look back on where I was last year at this time, I am - knock on wood - at a better place in terms of speed and distance and just how I feel in general.  I didn't plan on comparing, but out of curiosity, I took a glance at my very informal training log from last year (an agenda, I'm so old-school), and I'm kicking my own ass!  

Of course, all of this could change and devolve in the month of March which appears, at this point, to be a beast.  At least people aren't dressing me up in terrible costumes, taking pictures of me and posting them on the internet.  Life could be worse!

On a final note - Milos AND Gus, equally indignant and humiliated.  Happy packing to us all!

Change of seasons

So, I've been running around for a good part of the day in green cords and a purple sweater. I obviously look like a character from Sesame Street, but I feel as though I'm "rockin'" the look. I just debuted the sweater last week and love its comfort, but I actually bought it last spring. What a treat!

Anyway, I often wish that I lived in a place with slightly more dramatic seasons (nothing too extreme), and there are times when it could be either January or June - who really knows? But today, as I took the dogs on an early Sunday morning stroll around the neighborhood, just barely peaking out from the clouds were the San Gabriel mountains with SNOW! Although it never snows where we live, as far as I know, I do look forward to the first snow in the mountains and to seeing snow nestling there.

When I first moved to Central CA from Seattle, I erroneously thought that I would have to ditch all of my fleece pullovers and jackets, and so I prematurely mourned their loss. Then I experienced the Monterey Peninsula in August and fully understood Mark Twain's assessment of summers in San Francisco: "The coldest winter of my life was the summer I spent in San Francisco." The same could be said for Monterey, with the fog rolling in and just settling there, not giving an inch.

The move further south followed a few years later, and again, I had no idea what to expect weather-wise. I associated Southern CA with Baywatch (which I swear I never watched!) and thought that it would be like Florida without the heat. Again, I found myself to be terribly mistaken. Not that it doesn't get hot, but I don't think that the weather or the culture remotely resembles Florida. I don't know Florida well, but I think that I'm relieved that there is a different flavor here.

And relieved that there are seasons. Not, perhaps, the traditional seasons that one associates with summer, winter, fall and spring, but more like "June gloom", the "Santa Ana winds" AKA fire season, the "it's actually raining" season. Fall may be more a fabrication than an actual season that's based on temperatures; it rolls around with pumpkins and Halloween decorations around the neighborhood, which turkeys and pilgrims soon follow. However, we do enjoy a nice fire at night when it dips into the upper 40's (or 50's - I'm so lame), I transition sandals and light skirts to the back of my closet, and tonight, I actually made pumpkin pie bars as a fall and holiday treat. I just took a bite of one - not yet fully cooled - and I may have found pumpkin Nirvana. Plus, I have pot pie for dinner and a fire going! It must be fall?